It was Valentine’s Day this Sunday, which means that love is in the air, along with a certain virus that shall not be named.
Posts published in “Off The Press”
Off The Press is a satirical Opinion column written and organized by Off Center, often used to joke about current Stevens issues and campus news. It is currently organized by Matthew Brantl.
It’s our last article of the semester, but we’ll be damned if literally anything has happened for the last couple of weeks, so in the interest of not ragging on the SGA for longer than is funny (or until they incur our wrath again), Off the Press is going to end this unique semester with a community update article full of fun little “micro-stories” that have all been rigorously researched and are chock-full of that sweet ol’ Off the Press charm that we are legally and biologically required to produce.
Disclaimer: The following piece is a satirical opinion piece and is not meant to reflect real news events. Opinion pieces reflect the views of the writer and do not reflect the views of The Stute as an organization or any others involved in making The Stute.
If all goes well, this article should be published just days after the 2020 Presidential Election, an event that we can only assume went perfectly fine and the results of which haven’t angered anyone.
It only took an entire month, but the SGA finally released a public statement regarding the political upheaval that took place within the hallowed halls of the Senate, when two-thirds of the previous Cabinet resigned in disgrace only to be replaced in secret by E.J.
Several students have fallen victim to the malevolent workings of Hoboken's resident evil wizard, and also some people got cursed.
Read this week's [redacted] Off Center column.
In a move that literally no one liked nor understood, all students trying to log into their MyStevens, Canvas, or Office 365 accounts will now have to complete Duo’s iron-clad multi-factor authentication before gaining access to their valuable data.
A recent survey sent out to all virtual-only students has revealed that exactly 0 people have worn pants to any Zoom class during the entire semester.