Disclaimer: This article is part of The Stupe and is satire.
The Stute
Well, folks, as we are all aware, our beloved Assistant Director of Fraternity & Sorority Life, Keben Drunger, has decided to pack his bags and chase his dreams (and all the power to him).
Hi, I’m the freshman who is still wearing my Snevets keychain around my neck. I love wearing my dorm key like a necklace to assert dominance over those who have to walk more than five minutes to get to their classes.
What are the best spots on campus to hang out?
Claire: Great question! There are so many great places to hang out around campus.
Following the success of The Female Orgasm, an “independent organizer” at Snevets announced they will be holding Snevet’s very first Male Orgasm event.
I would like to dedicate this article to all of my fellow Ducks who, to this day, do not know the North Tower is really Harries Tower.
The appearance of a third wing of the Gateway building would certainly be noteworthy — if such claims could be substantiated.
Upon discovering that nobody thought, “Ah yes, like the avocado.” Our steadfast school of humanities has once again decided to rebrand.
Effective today, ResLife now has the right to check all drawers, cabinets, and closets. The decision was taken by ResLife in effort to promote and reaffirm safety on campus.
Reports have surfaced this week of several students seeing their peers being dragged with bags over their heads into the basement of the Humps Dormitory.