“I was dragging my feet after taking an exceptionally challenging physics exam. That is when I saw them, huddled in a circle that was showered in immense sunlight.
The Stute
Snevets administration announced on Tuesday that, in the interest of pursuing total equality for as many students as they possibly can, they shall be extending priority registration to the vast majority of the undergraduate student body.
Hello, I am writing into The Stupe to respond to an ad posted in last week’s personals column. Whoever wrote it was looking for someone who likes Piña Coladas, and I only have one thing to say in response: Yes, I like Piña Coladas.
Last week, controversy struck the nation as dozens of rich parents were implicated in a scandal in which it was revealed that they bribed college sports teams and admissions offices into unfairly admitting their children.
In order to make room for the new University Center, Snevets must say goodbye to Jacobus and Hayden halls. While Hayden won’t be touched until all of the freshmen have moved out at the end of the semester, Jacobus is about to be torn down.
One of the most prominent features of Snevets’ student body is undoubtedly its gender ratio. At a staggering 70:30 male to female ratio, men at Snevets are by far the majority of the student body while the female population flocks to sororities and special interest clubs to seek out friendships with other women.
With Accepted Student Day looming, Snevets has reported that a surprising number of students have already accepted their admission letters to Snevets.
On the evening of the twenty-seventh of March, a stillness fell the land. The gatehouse had disappeared and, in its place, there he stood, the God of Time.
Hello dedicated readers,
For those of you keeping up with this column, you know that ‘Senioritis’ is dedicated to the tomfoolery and madness that comes with one’s final year in school.
Ned Fields, second-year Chemical Engineering major and resident of 800 Madison, is doing what was never thought possible. This student has managed to avoid grocery shopping for well over two weeks.