In order to make room for the new University Center, Snevets must say goodbye to Jacobus and Hayden halls. While Hayden won’t be touched until all of the freshmen have moved out at the end of the semester, Jacobus is about to be torn down. However, as you all know, Jacobus is home to campus’ favorite newspaper, The Stupe. Editor-in-Chief of The Stupe, Audrey Dsouza, is devastated by the fact that she will never be in the Jacobus office ever again. She is protesting the demolition of Jacobus by locking herself in the office on the second floor of Jacobus.
“I’m not leaving!” shouted Dsouza through the crack under the office’s door. “Jacobus is the home of The Stupe! Yeah, it’s probably hazardous to walk into this building right now, but it’s still home. If they want to tear this building down, they’re going to have to do it with me in it!” Clearly, Dsouza is determined not to leave under any circumstances.
You may be wondering how Dsouza’s grades were affected by not being in class. Believe it or not, professors actually sided with her and agreed to not penalize her for missing classes. Some even broke into Jacobus through windows to personally deliver food and assignments to her, and tried to help her get through this difficult time.
Dsouza’s family responded to her acts of protest with tears in their eyes, begging, “Please come out, Audrey! Jacobus isn’t worth it! We love you!” Her family’s cries have certainly affected the persistent student, but not enough for her to want to leave Jacobus. And so she remains, on the floor, in the corner, of the second floor of Jacobus, in protest.
When asked about how the school would be dealing with the defiant student, President Narfarvar said, “There is no one left in Jacobus. We made sure to get rid of that annoy- I mean fantastic- newspaper months ago! Bring in the wrecking ball!” With no hesitation, a gigantic crane rolled up Whitppen Walk. Students circled around the fence that encloses Jacobus and Hayden. Some students appeared to be annoyed by the construction while others seemed to just be finding out Jacobus Hall existed. In a matter of minutes, a huge wrecking ball destroyed Jacobus and revealed the lone Editor-in-Chief, clutching issues of The Stupe in solidarity.
In an instant, it was as if Jacobus Hall had never existed. The Editor-in-Chief went down with the ship, refusing to give up Jacobus and The Stupe office.
To this day, Dsouza’s famous words are published in every Stupe issue. “I will never forget you, Jacobus!” Godspeed, Audrey.
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