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Posts published by “Off Center”

Off the Press is Stevens' premier news source for literally everything. With over 35,000 articles, 12 Pulitzer Prizes. and 26 Kids' Choice Awards under our belt, we are more than capable of reporting on any story with grace, style, and good looks. You can rest assured that everything we report on is 100% the absolute truth, and cannot be refuted by any being alive today. Stop by our offices any time in the Secret Basement of Howe, and tell the ominous-looking door the secret code word "News" to get a free tote bag!

AI-Generated Article

With the wonders of modern technology, Off The Press has finally achieved what journalists, scholars, and truth-lovers throughout history have only dreamed of: automatic articles.

TechFest to be Split into Five Smaller, Sadder Events

Students were shocked to discover this week that the school was planning to still host the absolute rager known as TechFest, but were less surprised to find out that, much like literally everything else, the pandemic had ruined it beyond recognition.

School Launches Workday Student

Celebrations have erupted among students as the school has launched the award-winning and long-awaited web service Workday Student this week, finally ending the previous tyranny of myStevens Web Services that has plagued students for generations.

School Reflects on One Year of Coronavirus

It has been around one whole year since the breakout success of COVID-19 has forced Stevens to shut down and revert to lame online classes like so many cavemen.

Local Student Literally Undateable

It was Valentine’s Day this Sunday, which means that love is in the air, along with a certain virus that shall not be named.

Community Updates!

It’s our last article of the semester, but we’ll be damned if literally anything has happened for the last couple of weeks, so in the interest of not ragging on the SGA for longer than is funny (or until they incur our wrath again), Off the Press is going to end this unique semester with a community update article full of fun little “micro-stories” that have all been rigorously researched and are chock-full of that sweet ol’ Off the Press charm that we are legally and biologically required to produce.