In our ongoing conquest to be the premier producer and distributor of all forms of media, Off the Press has decided to create our first full feature film, but we ran into some obstacles. A lot of these definitely had to do with the fact that we thought a week was plenty of time to make a two hour movie (there are like 364 hours in a week) but that resulted in a lot of things being rushed.
We thought we were off to a great start when we found a famed lead actor Devon de Von, but then we found out his real name was Devin and he wasn’t from France, and he would only act if the movie was called “Devon.” But we had to work with what we got.
Things got worse when what was supposed to be a Western movie suddenly had a bunch of aliens in it. Our director Spiel, (not to be confused with Steven Spielberg which unfortunately we were), did not like the aliens and did his best to get them written out by telling the actors to “think alien, say people” whenever aliens came up in the script. This led to a lot of awkward pauses in suspenseful moments in the film as actors had to carefully not only make the modification to the line but continue to think about the old line in their heads.
Despite having to compromise on some of the actors, we refused to compromise on film locations. We insisted on filming everything on location, and by on location, we mean on the location of a set that was all green screen. The whole thing was set up inside someone’s old warehouse in LA and there were still a few ladders in the back. We don’t know how green screens work, but the high schooler said he could put cool western-looking backgrounds behind us. Unfortunately, our less famous actors were so excited to be filming in Hollywood that they kept trying to mention it in passing which led to a lot of takes that had to be redone.
We were so close to being done filming. So close. But then Devon decided he didn’t want to do the movie anymore and Franklin the security guard had to step in and finish that role. Then, one of the interns whose only job was getting coffee for Devon who now had a bunch of extra time somehow ended up as a main romantic interest for Devon’s character. Then, one of our writers who had a crush on that intern decided to sneak in an extra role for himself so he could confess his love for her in the climax which was supposed to be an epic battle between the sheriff and the main cowboy. They ended up having a really poignant moment in the middle of a gunfight which looked really weird because they didn’t seem to be aware of all the gunshots that were going off around them. Greenscreens and sound effects in post were at it again.
We were thankful though, for the opportunity to make it. We won’t do it again, as we like live shows better. And you can catch Off Center’s final live show of the semester after Thanksgiving at 9 p.m. on 12/2 and 3 p.m. on 12/3 in BC122. We’ll bring all our leftover Thanksgiving food because we already made too much. Some of it might even be left over from the movie set.
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