Well, it finally looks like the Freshman Plague (aka freshmanitis) that goes around each year finally got Snevets to close its doors. Year after year this dangerous disease manages to rear its ugly head, but this one took the cake. I mean how is it possible to have a 100% infection rate amongst a freshman class that’s entirely on Zoom? Now I could understand the hybrid classes having some issues, but I never thought it would be this bad. I thought the 60 feet social distancing guidelines would work, plus those fancy black Snevets masks. It couldn’t have been more foolproof!
The beginning was great. Yeah sure it may still be a little odd since I can’t recognize any of my friends without their facemasks or unique Zoom backgrounds, but I finally felt like I was starting to really enjoy this place. I could find most of the buildings on campus, knew the best place on Wash to go and get pizza (you can fight me if you think it’s anything other than Gio’s), and I even joined a club. But with Snevets closed all that’s gone until this stupid disease is gone. Even the upperclassmen are gone. Who’s going to tell me how to beat the system and which professors to avoid?
I talked to a few upperclassmen before the school year kicked off and who first told me of this life-changing disease. I was told just to avoid those kids who take up all of Palmer Lawn playing ultimate frisbee, SGA meetings, and those kids who think they’re in 15 clubs at once. I did exactly that, but this disease seems to have gotten trickier. Even giving us a one-day Spring Break didn’t help stop this (I honestly thought that was going to make this thing disappear overnight)! I accidentally let my mask fall below my nose during Zoom class for all of two seconds, but that was it.
Even though I quarantined and followed the Snevets Health Honesty code, it was too late. I started to notice myself coming down with the disease when the classic symptoms started to pop-up: always wearing Snevets apparel, complaining about the construction all over campus, odd desire to want Pierce pizza over Gios, getting up early one morning to watch the sunrise on Crusty Point Hall, and (worst of all) camping out in Hayden Lounge until 4 a.m. That last one was really weird since that place was torn down two years ago, but it suddenly started appearing as my Zoom background when I wasn’t paying attention.
The good news is that President Narfarvar, a noted health expert, said this should all be over by the time finals end. I mean it’s not like he’s done any shady stuff in the past, so we can totally trust him. right? I sure hope so. Freshman year feels like it went away in the blink of an eye. I just wanted a normal first year, was that too much to ask?
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