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Snevets Cancels All Leased Housing

In an effort to keep students of Snevets Institute of Technology continuously innovating in their academic and personal lives, an initiative has been set in motion to cancel all leased housing. The administration hopes to promote creative problem solving and life-long survival skills by making a subset of the student body homeless. Students will have to engineer shelters from the wide array of refuse Hoboken has to offer, design traps to capture squirrels and other small mammals, and act as project managers for larger tasks like organizing a shuttle system to pick up those with off-campus huts.

Many students who have received the news of this new program have already staked out a living quarter in Hayden Lounge. The couches were the first to be claimed with serious disputes arising as to whether these fortunate furniture dwellers should maintain the cushions on their respective couches or forfeit them to students relegated to the floor.

The library is also shaping up to be quite the hot property to the displaced students. When asked about this plan to live among the books, prospective library resident Lucas Crinston said, “I’m just going to fall asleep in a booth before they close and hope they think it’s not worth it to wake me up and just lock me in there for the night.”

Incoming freshmen have been warned to not let any upperclassmen into Hayden, Davis, Humps, or CPH. “Under no circumstance is a non-freshman allowed in any freshman dorm,” reads the advising email. “This policy is not only for their own good, but for your own safety. The risk that these students will steal your key and take possession of your dorm as their own is far too great to ignore. Please be safe and be smart. Also no big fridges. If you have to ask, it’s too big.”

Canceling leased housing seems to be the best options for all parties involved. The university hopes to create more capable and self-sufficient students, ready to take on the real world. Being homeless will start at rates as low as $7,435/semester, and students will still be required to purchase the Gray Meal Plan.

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