In a shocking display of environmentalism, Stevens has recently announced that it will soon be entirely powered by renewable energy sources starting October 1st.
Posts published in “Off The Press”
Off The Press is a satirical Opinion column written and organized by Off Center, often used to joke about current Stevens issues and campus news. It is currently organized by Matthew Brantl.
With the speedy rollout of mostly-safe vaccines to the population and the end of the pandemic finally within view, Stevens finds itself at a difficult position of actually having to function as a proper school for the first time in over a year.
Important Notice: Due to limitations imposed upon Off the Press by the Stute that may or may not be the direct result of our trying to break the story of the SGA’s brief flirt with totalitarianism last semester, the kind, lovable, and attractive journalists at Off the Press are no longer allowed to post the actual names of any student within our news articles, even if they are a public figure currently occupying the highest office in the land.
We here at Off The Press are always trying to improve journalistic literacy among the unwashed masses, and so we are creating this writing template for anyone that wants to try their hand at writing their very own news article!
With the wonders of modern technology, Off The Press has finally achieved what journalists, scholars, and truth-lovers throughout history have only dreamed of: automatic articles.
We here at Off The Press were shocked to learn of the rapid rise of a new comedy club on campus “On Point.”
Students were shocked to discover this week that the school was planning to still host the absolute rager known as TechFest, but were less surprised to find out that, much like literally everything else, the pandemic had ruined it beyond recognition.
Celebrations have erupted among students as the school has launched the award-winning and long-awaited web service Workday Student this week, finally ending the previous tyranny of myStevens Web Services that has plagued students for generations.
It has been around one whole year since the breakout success of COVID-19 has forced Stevens to shut down and revert to lame online classes like so many cavemen.
The seemingly non-stop snow storms that have plagued the lucky few people on campus have recently been discovered to be the work of the Stevens Aerospace Engineering Department, whose Weather-o-Matic 3000 has been on the fritz lately.