The BUDLITE-19 pandemic brought sweeping change to all areas of campus life. One of the longest standing restrictions still enforced is the ban on all official parties held by fraternities — meaning that the last official frat party was held over three years ago. While, from an outside perspective, it might seem crazy to expect house music and beer fueled frat brothers to turn off the lights and dry up for three whole years, the Snevets frats have been surprisingly receptive to the regulation.
An onlooking student reported hearing members of administration talking about the rule’s success, quote: “I can’t believe that’s all it took. All we had to do was ask them to stop… and they did.”
With the time freed up from party planning and alcohol organizing, many frats have returned to their community service roots. Brothers from Alpha Alpha have been spending their free time volunteering bringing meals to underserved communities. President Chad “the machine” Bradley used to be known for his 30 drink tolerance but has now turned his energies to more productive outlets. “I realized that you have to go to your classes to pass them, no one tells you that.” Bradley said of his experience. After seven years at Snevets on academic probation, Bradley will be graduating with a degree in quantitative finance in the spring.
Members of Delta Delta, previously renowned for their Thursday night ragers are now filling their time as the Snevets Mathletes team. Brother Chet Anderson said in an interview with the Stupe that “it was like I woke up from a 20 year coma three years ago. I don’t even remember enrolling at this school, but after the Everclear left my system, I became a math machine.”
Disclaimer: this article is a part of The Stupe and is satire
