A recent meta-study conducted on the students of Snevets surrounding the percentage of students named Steven showed some surprising, and possibly concerning, results. At first, researchers were simply attempting to discover if the school’s namesake has any effect on college decisions for incoming students named Steven. However, the researchers soon realized that there were more Stevens graduating than entering, leaving the question: where are all these Stevens coming from? Breaking down the numbers, the Stevens’ population tripled from number entering to number graduating.
Looking into it more, they were able to identify a handful of individuals who had seemingly changed their names after orientation. One of these individuals, Steven Richardson, formerly named John, agreed to speak with the group and revealed he made the change to take advantage of the “Stevens’ scholarship.” When pressed further, Steven revealed that he had heard of the scholarship from his friend, Steven. Within months, Steven had completed his name change. Other former students interviewed had similar stories, detailing how after their name change, an additional $3,000 was taken off their tuition without any notification or acknowledgement from the financial aid office. More research is needed to fully understand what this scholarship is and the strange effect it is having on the student population, but this study is a good start to uncovering the many Stevens mysteries.
Disclaimer: this article is a part of The Stupe and is satire
