Much to literally everybody’s disappointment, the construction of campus’ newest building, the Gateway Academic Center, has been delayed for several weeks despite the school’s promise that it would be completed by the beginning of this semester. Dreams of finally being able to access 6th Street have been temporarily crushed as workers continue to politely yet firmly deny students trying to stealthily sneak through the construction area. Between Senior Design projects being rescheduled and students wanting to see what the cool new TED stairs are about, many people are wondering about the reason for the delays.
The Gateway Academic Center, previously known as the Gianforte Family Academic Center, previously known as the Gianforte Academic Center, has been under construction on campus for quite some time; even its name has been involved in numerous revisions and delays. The entire project has been plagued by issues, ever since the beginning. “Initially, we had a two-week debate on what color the outside of the building should be,” said the lead designer of the Academic Center. “I said it should be brick, but Mike’s daughter went to UConn and apparently they have a really nice light-blue building there, and we should do that. And I was like, ‘Mikey, you know I love you, but brick just has such a classic look that you just can’t replace with simple paint!’ It’s pretty convincing, right? But he would just not budge! And don’t get me started on the benches!”
The actual construction of the building has also incurred delays: it took over a month of construction for the workers to realize that they had been holding the building plans upside-down the entire time, a realization that would have been comical had it not led to the deaths of three workers, twelve hospitalizations, and two missing limbs. (As of yet it is unclear whether or not the limbs came from the same person). Once the problem was discovered, the workers mistakenly only turned the plans 90 degrees, leading to the Center being constructed sideways for another two weeks until a strong breeze blew the plans out of someone’s hands and they picked them back up the right way.
One large reason for the delay given by the administration is the recent hack that ravaged Stevens this summer. “It was crazy,” said an official. “The hacker took control of the water system and made the pipes burst everywhere. They even managed to hack an entire load of bricks so that they wouldn’t stick together when we mortared them in! This morning, the hacker hacked my feet so that I tripped and spilled coffee all over my good cardigan! My good cardigan, guys!” The official then burst into tears and ran off, covering a coffee stain on their shirt with their hands.
Rain also played a major part in the delay of Gateway’s construction, said Vice President of Facilities and Campus Operations Robert Maffia, who we can say with 95% accuracy is not a thinly-veiled prop by the actual Mafia to slowly take control of campus and rule it with an iron fist, as our reporting staff was disappointed to find out. According to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, or “NASA, but for water instead of space,” Hoboken has received 16 more inches of rain than usual over the past year. “We sent our intern out to test the rainfall,” said a NOAA spokesperson. “He stood in front of our building with a ruler all year, measuring each raindrop. When he finally came back inside, we were really impressed with his findings!” The abnormal rainfall led to an increase in cost for the Gateway Center, as every construction worker had to be given a cute little umbrella that resembled a frog, in accordance with OSHA regulations. “And they gave us these cool plastic boots for jumping in puddles!” said one happy construction worker. “Look, mine’s got Elmo on it!” The worker then showed us his Elmo boots, and they were pretty cool.
Despite these setbacks, construction on the Gateway Center is finishing up, and is set to be completed within the next three months, according to officials. “We’ll definitely finish it before then. Maybe four months. I don’t want to say five months, but it might be five. Let’s say five.” With all of campus waiting with bated breath for the grand opening, Off the Press really wants to express how much we’re looking forward to checking out those TED stairs.
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