Press "Enter" to skip to content

Kooky iller kaught: How it happened

The infamous Georgia-born serial killer, Eve Pilgrim, was recently caught in Albany through a series of wacky events. Eve Pilgrim has been guilty of killing 356 people by doing a cringe-worthy impersonation of “Stylish Dheeru” from the VIVA videos.

New York City local Sridhar Gupta first spotted Pilgrim in a bakery, looking over plans to kill the famous band Love4All, who were planning on doing a concert in Albany. Not wanting to let evil prosper, Sridhar recruited his friend, the vigilante street musician Patrick Heffner, who held an immunity to all kinds of cringe-worthy impersonations. Patrick also recruited his siblings, Meg and Danny, along with two of Meg’s friends, Frank Glee and Molly Mills, in an escapade to stop Eve Pilgrim. However, while going over the Verrazano Narrows Bridge in a van to catch Pilgrim, a banana peel fell on the road, causing the van to slip and fall into the Hudson River. There, they landed on a water tower underneath the river and discovered an underwater world.

In the underwater world, they discovered a bunch of Beatnik fishes swimming in what seemed to be a giant pool. Sridhar and his friends went over to ask the fishes how to get to Albany to stop Pilgrim when they realized that the pool was actually a cannon filled to the top with water. The cannon exploded, causing everyone to go flying through the air as they passed by clouds shaped by all the numbers from one to infinity before falling into a giant lake of lava, which had a temperature of zero degrees Celsius. At the bottom of the lake was a secret door that said it could lead them to Albany, which everyone entered.

Behind a door was a place known as Foodfight Paradise, where all kinds of food from different cuisines were thrown everywhere, ranging from pizza burgers to paneer haggis to hummus escargot. Some ice cream fell on Meg’s face, which gave Meg 180-degree burns as well as caused both of her arms to fall out. Meanwhile, a burrito was launched in Patirck’s ear, causing Patrick to scream as the burrito started licking his brain. Meanwhile, Danny found a gingerbread man and started eating him, causing it to scream. When the gingerbread man asked why Danny was doing it, Danny said it was because he was only eighteen years old, which the gingerbread man accepted as an excuse. Meanwhile, Sridhar found a portal to another world, which everyone went into.

The portal went to a place known as Totally Normal Land, where everything was totally normal. However, since people from Earth are typically not normal people, Sridhar and his friends didn’t really fit in. However, the people from Totally Normal land were really kind and helpful people and gave them directions to get to Albany, as well as give them tips on how to stop Eve Pilgrim. Sridhar and his gang followed the directions to a castle and saw a portal back to our world.

Sridhar and his friends jumped through the portal to get to Albany, they saw Eve Pilgrim with all the band members of Love4All tied up. As she was about to do her cringe-worthy impersonation, Sridhar did an impersonation of “Darling Das” from the VIVA videos, causing an electric shock to be emitted through Pilgrim’s body. After that, Patrick, Meg, Danny, Frank, and Molly started singing every single theme song of a Nick Jr. show, which caused the ropes holding the Love4All members to get untied. Then, Sridhar pulled up lumps of clay and threw them in the air, causing them to transform into tax collectors who sang “When the Saints Come Marching In,” which caused Eve Pilgrim to get tied up with the rope. The police were called, and Eve Pilgrim was finally arrested for her crimes.