Why is Ethan angry all the time?
Ethan: I’m not, just on Sunday evening when I have to answer your questions.
Claire: That’s a great question. I think he’s lonely. Every Sunday, I tell Ethan that it’s time to write our column and I watch a piece of his soul die. The anger he has in his heart started long ago and has nothing to do with me.
Who asks these questions anyway?
Ethan: I honestly don’t know who writes these questions, but I do know that they suck. Consistently annoying or irrelevant questions that I wait as late as possible to answer which ultimately ends up ruining my weekend.
Claire: No one asks the questions. I was supposed to set up a system for readers to ask us questions at the beginning of the year, but I forgot, so I just make up a random question each week. Ethan seems to hate the questions though, so I don’t have the courage to tell him it’s really me.
Wait, so who’s asking this question right now?
Claire: Also me. Everytime I write this column it’s just a conversation with myself.
Ethan: Don’t know, don’t care.
Does Claire need help?
Ethan: Mind your own business, Claire can handle herself.
Claire: Yes, someone, please. I’ve run out of questions to ask for this godforsaken column. My roommate, and EIC, Isabella Ziv gets mad if I turn in my articles late.
When will EIC Isabella Ziv let me out of my room?
Claire: I don’t know. Isy, please let me out. I’ve turned all my articles in on time this month. I’ll do anything.
Ethan: This one doesn’t apply to me, but Claire’s probably in the wrong here.
Disclaimer: this article is a part of The Stupe and is satire
