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Finding fulfillment

Before I got to college, I had extreme anxiety about time management. Every friend, teacher, or TikTok user made it clear that managing your time wisely was crucial to success in college. I bought three different agendas, a whiteboard, and two online calendar apps to ensure I would stay on top of my game. I made the infamous Google spreadsheet with every assignment due that semester. Despite all the planning, I still felt unprepared for what my professors would throw at me. The thought of taking a computer science course as a humanities major was nauseating, regardless of how highly rated my professor was. I planned on taking four hours each day to study for all my classes and stay ahead of homework assignments.

I wanted to avoid parties at all costs and prioritize self-care. I wasn’t sure how I would do it, but I knew it had to be done. The truth is I have so much free time in college that I don’t know what to do with myself. At first, it made me panic; maybe it was just because I was a philosophy major, and all I ever really did was think. I wrote several essays for my required courses, but I enjoyed them. I even wrote a paper about wigs and the technology behind them. This was mainly influenced by the Elijah Woods interview question, “do you wear wigs?” Surprisingly enough, my professor actually gave me an A. I was so shocked; I thought he had made a mistake.

At a certain point, I considered doing a second major because I have always been adjusted to being stressed. It’s all I’ve known, and I wasn’t sure who I was without it. But for the first time in my life, I wasn’t. And I had to fill up my time with something, anything. I spent a concerning amount of time completing word searches, sudoku, and playing 2048. I doodled all over my notes and filled my journals to the brim. I made a skincare routine that has now become crucial to my peace. I even hand-drew the winter decorations for my RA’s hall. Regardless of what I did, I still felt unfulfilled.

The Freshman 15 was one of the many things I had to conquer during my free time. I didn’t realize how much Peirce dining hall pizza slices would add up. Luckily, I hadn’t gained the whole 15 pounds and spent the entire winter break trying to work it all off. Now I’ve been more conscious of my eating habits and spending more time at the UCC fitness center. Gym rats have a point; I do feel a lot better. But the truth is I hate exercise and prefer to spend most of my time on the treadmill listening to music and making up scenarios. Although maladaptive daydreaming is generally frowned upon, at least I know exactly how I’d react when I’m proposed to. Or if I won a Nobel prize. Or the world cup. Will these things ever happen? Probably not. But it sure does get me hyped up enough for the Stairmaster. Shoutout to Chief Keef, Three 6 Mafia, and the Wu-Tang Clan for keeping my spirits high. Honorable mention to Friedrich Nietzche for the existential questions that keep me awake until 4:00 a.m. You keep me fulfilled.

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