When I attempt to construct a narrative of my four years at Stevens, to present a piecemeal construction of the 1348 days between my first permanent relocation to its campus and now, I am overwhelmed by the enormity of the totality of my experience.
In late autumn 2019, roughly a year and a half ago, I attended a panel in which several alumni presented their thoughts on life after Stevens from the perspectives of people who played an active role in student life during their undergraduate years. One of these students, Andy Waldron (who I had the pleasure of meeting once before), spoke about the strangeness which came with moving from a position of relative accomplishment at school to being an entry-level, green employee at a company. At the time, conversations like this felt abstract. These days, not so much.
The truth is, I could easily write two dozen pages reflecting on all the ways Stevens changed me, and all the ways I changed it. I could be prideful of my many accomplishments, serious about my failures, and eloquent in my presentation of the many hard lessons I learned along the way. I could author a total refutation of my critics (as I have been encouraged to do many times), and underline the achievements and virtue of my friends and those professors I’ve made personal connections with.
I could do this. But I won’t. Perhaps for the first time in my Stevens career, I find myself utterly lacking the desire to impress upon the world my viewpoints and experiences. Certainly, for the first time since joining The Stute as a contributing member in September 2018, I find myself perfectly content keeping my mouth shut.
I’d intended this essay to serve as an epilogue to my hitherto contributions to The Stute; perhaps it still can be. The truth is, my ambivalence is a symptom. While it would be entirely unimaginable to the sophomore-year me, I am actually excited to become a green again. I’m satisfied with the amazing experiences I had here; I don’t feel the need to relive them, or cling to them too tightly. I definitely can’t say that I believe I’ve done everything here I could have — even if the pandemic hadn’t happened, that could never have been true.
What I have realized instead is that Stevens has already offered me everything that it will offer me. It became obvious during my job-seeking process that I had no need for further learning my final two semesters (as annoying as that felt). When I look around at the state of our campus and Hoboken itself, it’s plain to see that I have no further opportunities here overall.
It’s certainly been quite the adventure. But, once I Stevens-die, I know that I have yet another adventure waiting for me on the other side.
I’m not going to try and wrap this story, my story, with a nice bow and moral at the end. To those who are about to pass through the fog gate with me, I’m sure many of you feel the same way I do. To those for whom the finish line I describe still seems impossibly far away, I have this to say:
It isn’t.
And you will realize this soon enough.
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