An unusual sight is expected this year on Halloween night in Hudson County, New Jersey. Stevens staff are terrified. Hoboken residents are reminded to monitor their children. Students should remain indoors.
For years — some say decades — the Hoxie House Curse has bedeviled citizens of the Mile-Square City. The inexplicable and inescapable horror of the curse, named after the longstanding home for the top University official, transforms the sitting Stevens president into a ghoulish, omnipresent monster that terrorizes those foolish enough to wander campus after sundown on Halloween.
In years past, university policy required the President to remain at least two miles away from campus on the fateful night. Harold Raveché, the sixth and former president of Stevens Institute of Technology, was helicoptered and locked in private vacation homes somewhere on the Jersey Shore. Nariman Farvardin, the current president and curse victim, usually escapes to University Club, an elite, New York City-based social club which protects university presidents from the outside world — and, in this special case, protects the outside world from a university president.
But this year, the leader of the Stevens Paranormal Taskforce issued an announcement that Farvardin has decided to stay home. “It’s ultimately his choice,” the leader said, “and his choice is to risk the lives of everyone at this University. This means that no student may leave their dorm for any reason.”
Legend and lore tell that past Presidents have tormented students in frightening ways. A series of photos in The Link show Kenneth Rogers, fifth president of Stevens, dismembering students and tossing their remains into the decrepit, long-forgotten S.S. Stevens. Diary entries of students in the 1930s explain that third president Harvey Davis was seen excavating dirt and erecting shrines to tall buildings and towers from midnight until sunrise. “Harvey Davis dug and dug for hours,” said a student in one diary entry. “He spoke softly and in tongues. A rumor passed around that he was heard chanting unclear phrases while sculpting a pair of towers with dirt. Oh, why must he destroy our campus! Nothing was more terrifying.”
Administrators suspect that students will ignore their warnings, so necessary precautions have been put in place. After sunset on Halloween, and on Halloween only, Lime scooters have been permitted on campus. “Scooters will be your only hope to survive,” the Paranormal Taskforce leader said. “Farvardin can’t outrun them.” Studies predict that a fully-transformed, ghostly Farvardin can reach speeds of up to 12 mph, so experts suggest to accelerate to maximum power and scoot down Eighth Street if chased by the President.
Tim Griffin, Chief of Police, added that if no scooters are available, community members should trek through the rubble of Wittpenn Walk. “It’s incredible that even when possessed by demons, Farvardin will stop for three to four minutes to admire the construction site of his University Towers,” Griffin said in his campus-wide announcement. “It is during this time of distraction, particularly when Farvardin hums ‘on the rise’ to himself, that you should retreat to Burchard. He’ll be too preoccupied with construction projects and ongoing exorcism efforts to notice the forgotten academic building.”
Jason Chlus, president of the student body, responded with extreme fright to questions about the curse. “Wait, what — a curse?!” he said. “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”
Community members are reminded to walk through dark alleys and avoid making noise while outside. All questions, comments, and reports of demonic possession should be directed to the Stevens Paranormal Taskforce.
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