Growing up, I liked to argue. I wanted to win debates, even if it meant attacking someone personally. My closest friends saw this side of me the most. After all, with your close friend, you can say anything, because at the end of the day you were best friends and “a little” arguing wouldn’t change that. So, for many years, my best friends dealt with me antagonizing them, insulting them because it was funny, and starting fights with them because I was bored. At some point, on a random Thursday evening, my three friends had enough. During an argument, I told one of them that no one cared about their opinion unless it was about sports. Now this one insult wouldn’t be enough to sever a relationship, but this was the millionth insult my friend had heard from me within that year, and I guess it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. My friend didn’t talk to me for the rest of the night. In my head, I kept telling myself that it wasn’t a big deal — he knew I was just messing around, and we would be on good terms by tomorrow.
Tomorrow came around, and when I tried to talk to him, all he said to me was how annoying I was and that he didn’t want to be around me if I just wanted to argue and say stupid things. After hearing that, I realized that maybe your best friend isn’t someone who puts up with you because they’re your friend. At some point, a best friend will stop talking to you if they feel like you are constantly trying to win an argument or make a dumb insult. Over time, I grew to care less about arguments or having the funniest insult. Things between my close friends got more pleasant, and, shockingly, hanging out became more fun (crazy, right??).
In college, I have a friend — let’s call him George. George likes to argue, probably more than me. George will start discussions about anything to see if anyone will disagree so he can tell them all the reasons why they’re wrong. Sometimes it’s entertaining to see, because George is smart and hilarious. Other times, especially when you’re the one arguing with him, George can be very unpleasant. One day, George and I debated over the death penalty. After going back and forth, I changed the subject because clearly the argument was going nowhere. About an hour later, George brought it back up and told me why I should reconsider my perspective. We argued for another 30 minutes, and I started getting annoyed.
At that moment I had to tell him, “Look, I don’t know what you want me to say — I don’t think either of us is going to convince the other and I think we should leave it at that.” George followed that up with, “I get what you’re saying but…” and proceeded to argue with me. I cut him off and told him I know he likes to argue and I know he likes to win, but I do not want to be around him if that’s all he wants to do. “It’s just annoying,” I said to him. At that point, he looked confused, as if I didn’t realize he and I were just having a simple debate. As if I didn’t realize that at the end of the day, he and I would still be friends even after having “a little” heated discussion. But George proceeded to apologize and say, “you’re right.” George and I haven’t had many debates since that day. I enjoy hanging out with George a lot more since he learned that having a friend was more important than winning an argument.
Main message: If you love to argue for the sake of winning, remember that your best friends can only take so much. Focus on friendship and less on winning — your friends will thank you for it.
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