Perhaps for the first time in your life, you don’t have to tell someone where you’re going or when you’re coming home. You can come home drunk or high, or you don’t have to come home at all, and nobody will care.
This new freedom is what makes college wonderful. It’s also what makes it terrifying. Now more than ever before, you are fully responsible for your own choices, and transitioning into this new phase of life might daunt you. In particular, you will soon start making choices about what will often be the most intimate, emotional, joyous, and occasionally awkward aspect of life — sex.
College will feel like a whole new world for you, with what will feel like an endless supply of potential partners and more anonymity than you’ll ever dream of. It might even feel like a required rite of passage to have sex in college, as if this physical act is an essential component of your college experience.
But contrary to what media and pop culture might say, studies show that college students today are having less sex than any generation before them. The type of sex these college students are having, however, is different. It tends to be less meaningful, more spontaneous, and carefree. It tends to be a “hook up.”
This fact of modern college society means that you need to be prepared for hookups and know how to approach them safely. That’s where I, a self-described expert of the hookup, come in. Here are the tips, tricks, and warnings that I have collected over years of hooking up.
Take precautions. Nobody should have to fear that from a hookup, they’ll get pregnant or that they’ll acquire STDs. Whether you’re male or female, always keep condoms in your room, even when you don’t plan on having sex. Sex happens spontaneously sometimes, which can be fun, but what isn’t fun is having to stop the session early because your room is condomless. Store them somewhere discreet, like a box under your bed or in a drawer.
Ladies, find a gynecologist and start birth control early. If you take the pill correctly, you’re protected from pregnancy all day, every day. Plus, most women report that the pill helps with their period, making it more regular and easier to predict.
Gay or bisexual men, consider contacting the Hudson Pride Center and getting on PrEP. PrEP helps prevent the transmission of HIV and, if you qualify, can be free. When on this medicine, stay cautious, because in the wake of PrEP-fueled barebacking, other men who are also on this pill will encourage you to have sex without protection. Keep in mind that PrEP does not protect you from other STDs like syphilis, herpes, and gonorrhea.
Think forward. Entering a sexual contract with another student — whether it’s becoming friends with benefits or having a one-night stand — can complicate your relationship elsewhere. At Stevens, everyone knows everyone, so don’t damage future relationships by having a copious amount of careless sex in the first month.
Look across the Hudson. For the love of God, don’t hookup with the cute guy across the hall from you on the first night. It can make for awkward run-ins over the next year. (Trust me.) Instead, do what all modern people do: find people through apps. Since you likely can’t get into New York City bars and clubs for the next year or two, download Tinder, Bumble, Grindr, or whatever you prefer and meet someone from across the river. Even if you don’t use the apps to hookup, you might meet someone great who can show you new areas of the city.
Plan ahead. Imagine: you’re at a party, and after one or two drinks, you look at that brown-eyed, James Dean-type in the corner, and you’re close to just flinging yourself on him. He feels the same way, and you hit it off. You grab each other by the arm, laugh as you walk back to your dorm, but — uh oh — there’s your roommate, sound asleep in their bed. This is the situation you should avoid.
It might feel awkward, but sooner rather than later, you should have a serious conversation with your roommate about how you want to approach these late-night booty calls. How will you signal to your roommate that someone will come over? Should your roommate leave? Should your roommate stay? Talk with them after living with each other for a while to work out these details.
Don’t do it drunk. Chances are, you’re going to get drunk. Very drunk. At times, you might be so horned up that you don’t want to turn down any opportunity for someone to get in your pants. But sloppy, messy, drunk sex doesn’t feel good. And, most likely, you’ll regret it the next morning. Find another activity to do when you’re drunk and in the mood. Maybe have some cold pizza ready to munch on? Or, better yet, just go to bed — you’ll likely crash asleep anyway.
The best advice that I can leave you with is this: Use the next four years of your life to explore yourself and your sexuality, but don’t engage in anything dangerous or make a mistake that you might regret in the future.
Stay safe. Stay smart. Stay open. And — most importantly — stay sexy.
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