This time last Friday, I went into New York City alone, as I’ve done dozens of times these past four years. Not for any real purpose, just a whim.
For me, it’s a borderline therapeutic exercise — I love being alone with my thoughts in the bustle of the city. I love experiencing all NYC has to offer while passing through, as a stranger of sorts. I absolutely adore the feeling of being swept up in of others’ lives in some quiet, fleeting way.
Going into NYC alone is hardly a strange thing, but the truth is, I love doing stuff by myself. Seeing movies. Exploring the city. Going to restaurants, coffee shops, whatever. Given the choice, I’d probably prefer to do things alone than with a group.
I’m an introvert by nature, so that doesn’t strike me as odd, but it certainly does to a lot of other people. Friends and family alike have expressed how strange it is that I go off on my own all the time. Hell, I’ve got a close friend of several years who flat-out refuses to go anywhere alone. She’s always got to have a person hanging out with her, or those plans are as good as cancelled. That always made me a little sad, but I understood why she felt that way.
We live in a society that stigmatizes being by yourself, even though that’s the most normal thing in the world. To people who ask me why I’m doing something alone, I have to ask back: why aren’t you? What are you scared of?
And I get it: people like to do things with other people. Some things are better done together than separately. But mostly, I think, there’s a fear of being judged for being alone. Because being alone must mean you’re lonely. But I’d argue that being alone and being lonely are certainly not one and the same.
Doing things on your own forces you to spend time with the one person who probably doesn’t get a whole lot of attention — yourself. When you do things alone, you are forced to learn to like yourself a little. Or at very least, begin to figure out why you don’t.
There’s also something liberating about being in control of things. When you do things alone, the only one who gets to define your experience is YOU.
Where do you wanna go? Wherever you want. What do you wanna eat? Whatever you feel like. Why are you even doing this? Who gives a damn? You get to evade social niceties and make the rules, to be as spontaneous as you’d like. That’s a luxury that isn’t always extended in other professional or social circles, yet people shirk the opportunity to take advantage of it when it’s offered.
You also don’t have to worry, constantly, about somebody else’s experience or approval. All that matters is if you’re having a good time. Period.
Also — life is too short to be attached at the hip with someone at all times. Your free time is a finite, precious resource. Everytime you cancel plans because you didn’t want to do it alone, you risk passing up the chance to do it later, alone or not. And what’s the fun in that?
So the next time a friend cancels joint plans, I say — take it upon yourself to do it anyways. Go try that cute brunch spot. Visit the bookstore. See the damn movie by yourself. You may think you need someone to support you, someone to catch you if you fall, but the truth is, you’ll never know the thrill of experiencing something that’s uniquely, unapologetically yours until you try flying solo.
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