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X, the Professor we don’t deserve

Professor X is the one professor that has set the standard for all Snevets professors and enriches the minds of undergraduate students, also known as “adults with training wheels,” so they can become full-fledged two-wheel-bike riding adults. We have all had Professor X without even realizing that we enrolled in the class. Somehow, we all roll up to X’s class ready to learn the most important “life skills” that do not apply to any profession in this century.

This semester, Professor X has really played into the idea of keeping students on their toes. This past week, students were shocked when Professor X canceled class without telling anyone except for one student, who doesn’t even go to class. One student described the moment “like one of those surprise parties, but there is no surprise and no party because you dragged yourself out of bed and up the Eighth Street mountain for 9 a.m. class.” It was the event of the semester, and even the student that got the “class is canceled” email showed up AND was on time. Professor X is a true hero of surprise and suspense and knows how to change people.

One student last year describes a particular moment of suspense: “X taught us only one-third of the curriculum during the class, and then the other two-thirds showed up magically on the final on the last five out of six pages. At this moment, you could really feel the thrill you get when watching American Horror Story.” This element of thrill for Professor X’s finals exists every year, and somehow X always knows how to throw that obscure table from page xxii that everyone forgot to teach themselves onto the test. Yup, you know the one I’m talking about, right?

The best thing about Professor X is that X is notorious for allowing homework due dates to slip. Students spend days in the musty library, trying to figure out the homework assignment. Then X completely forgets about the assignment, and instead of landing in the clammy and dry hands of Professor X, it ends up in the depths of the black holes that students carry on their backs. Huge plus: students save the gigabytes on their laptops and get to lay down the cash because there is no PDF available to download, and the textbook can only be ordered from an obscure Alaskan textbook distribution center that only delivers via Iditarod.

Not familiar with Professor X? Don’t you worry, your time will come.

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