If you’re familiar with the Stute’s fine dining reviews, you ought to be familiar with something we call the “Is-it-as-good-as-Pierce” Factor. Everyone knows this phenomenon on some level — that feel-good gut feeling you get as you sit down somewhere, dig your butt into whatever plush chair is about to serve as your throne for the night, and prepare for a binge of excess calories and self-loathing. Did you really need that fifth bottle of $200 Merlot? That last triple-decker burger? A whole stick of butter with nothing else?? Of course not! It’s Tuesday and you have three exams tomorrow, but WCPR just put on the biggest indie banger of 2019 (you haven’t heard of it yet) and you’re ready to dive in with the dignity of the next disgraced NY senator. On your marks people.
Before getting to Il Ristorante Penetrante I figured I might as well call the man with the plan, Dominic Blakemore. As the CEO of CompassTwo, I always have him on speed dial before I go get food. He warns me ahead of time if the sous-chef de cuisine had been reading Yelp reviews for inspiration that day or not. This time, though, the phone went straight to a very polite robo-voicemail, which struck me as odd; it’s usually a very exasperated robocall threatening some type of legal action unless I stop calling that number. I took it as his way of telling me not to miss today, and I promptly ran over.
From the moment I saw the options, I knew Blakemore hadn’t led me astray. Jamaican Chicken, Adobo Pork Loin, Vegetarian Mexican Lasagna, Tempeh soy fajitas, jalapeno corn pudding, and spicy green beans? The opulence of the menu rivaled Ric Flair as his best. I threw a heap of everything on a plate, made a sandwich on the new panini press, and flicked my wrist on some stir fry before Woo-ing my way to the nearest table. Tasty indeed.
Digging in, the first words that left my mouth were “wow these loins are burning!!” While Adobo isn’t really spicy, my ceiling for heat is typically white bread, so it was a big step for me. The lasagna was much more my speed. The pasta chips were held together by leathery mozzarella straps that reminded me that I could have been eating my backpack, but its macros wouldn’t fit in my diet plan. After that, I mashed the fajitas and corn pudding in my mouth simultaneously with a gulp of mountain dew, and to my surprise, the balance of tofu and corn with pure MLG no-scope potential was delightfully tasteful. That said, I was left disappointed at the lack of Dorito-based foods. Buyer beware!
After a few more rounds of sampling the ice cream bar and making sure the Lucky Charms were up to par, I can safely recommend Il Ristorante Penetrante as the best dining option in Hoboken today. While they offer breakfast and lunch, Il Ristorante Penetrante really shines as a dinner date option; let your significant other know it’s real by surprising them with this classic riverfront eatery. Just remember it’s black tie only; you DON’T want to be that person who comes underdressed.
Location 5/5
Price 5/5
Service 5/5
Price $$$$
Be First to Comment