It’s no secret that Stevens has some pretty quirky names for their academic buildings. What is a secret is why they bare the mysterious names they do. I’m only a sophomore, so maybe I just haven’t learned enough of the campus history, but there is something suspicious about how strange each and every building name really is. Take CPH, for example. That’s not even a word. There aren’t even any vowels. Not even Y! Do you honestly expect me to believe that CPH is a word in the English language? Nice try, Stevens, but I’ve read enough of the dictionary to be one step ahead of you. And speaking of building names composed of three letters, how could they overlook such an obvious typo? His name wasn’t Martin Puther King Jr. I’m no history buff, but even I know it’s supposed to spelled Luther. So why is there a P smack dab in the middle of MPK? And what happened to the junior part? Unless the building is named after MLKJ’s dad. He was cool and all, but I really feel like that’d be a missed opportunity to celebrate one of the champions of the Civil Rights Movement. Is that really the message you want to spread, Stevens? Now for one of the strangest names, by my count: EAS. Edwin Augustus Stevens academic building, are you kidding me? The school’s already named Stevens. Did you not think this one through? When I tell people I go to school at Stevens, I have to clarify every time that the school I attend is Stevens Institute of Technology, and not the Edwin Augustus Stevens academic building. This name is needlessly confusing for all parties involved and could be easily fixed by either renaming the school or building, but not both. And the My Name Is Jonas Hall? That’s just a Weezer song with the word Hall stuck on the end. I’m not asking you to change the name of the hall, just please explain why you plagiarized from the good people in the Grammy-winning alternative rock band Weezer. Please, Stevens, we’re all just asking you to go on the record and make sense of the seemingly ridiculous names you’ve chose to call your buildings. Knowing why the buildings are called what they are will deepen the already rich history on campus and lead everyone to fuller, more enjoyable Stevens experience. Also, I think the Stevens family owned slaves. Can we talk about that for a second?