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Procrastinating Perfectly

“Priorities” are something of an urban legend to us college kids. We do whatever we want, whenever we want, with nobody to remind us of the things we should be doing. Yet, somehow, we complete our “To-do Lists.” Some may question Howe? And the answer, my fellow ducks, is through mastering the art of procrastination.

Yes, I admit it. I am one of the biggest procrastinators. This title is usually affixed with a heavy negative connotation, and others will judge your laziness or assume you’re stupid for not actively doing your work. Those people are wrong. Your procrastination is understood because it’s super easy to get distracted at Stevens.

First things first: I’m convinced the problem is that there aren’t enough hours in the day. Classes actually take up a lot of time and energy each day. A typical day of classes will run until around three in the afternoon. Then, it’s time to relax and recharge. So you head on over to Pierce with your friends. And this is where things go wrong. “Hi, again!” you say to Pearl as you swipe in for the fifth time today. Pierce is like a black hole. The unlimited meal plan sucks you in and – not only does it make you fat – you spend hours there (when you really add it all up).

Then, there are so many other things to do with your time rather than studying. This category is comprised of extracurriculars, sports, clubs, and work. The beginning of the year informational meetings for each club are too important to miss (especially as a freshman!). Therefore, you end up running around to club meetings every night. Then running to work. Now, I am an attendant at Jacobus. If you have ever been in Jacobus, you know that the workers don’t need to do much. I could totally do some homework – but this refers back to the first problem: needing time to relax. The value of time to sit and chill can not be overstated.

Finally, after a long day, it’s time to sit down and actually study. Continue to procrastinate in choosing a location. We all get desks in our rooms, but I’m personally not a fan of studying where I sleep. The obvious choice is in the library, specifically the second floor which has recently been remodeled. It is very comfortable there because there are private sections like cubicles. Then, there are places like the Jacobus and Hayden Lounges. Such places are popular for friends to hangout and play games – and be loud, so potentially a place full of distractions. Wherever it may be, your study place should help you focus. For me, that happens to be a room with a large table all to myself. So I go to the Davis kitchen.

The very last step in mastering procrastination is to sit down with everything you need to do your homework, and then go on the internet. Check your email. Organize emails. Check Facebook. Message some friends. Check Twitter. Tweet about how you don’t like homework. Check Instagram. Instagram a picture of you studying. Snapchat how tired you are. Go on Youtube, read though Reddit, or search through Urban Dictionary (one of my favorites). The social media distraction is one of the essential parts of proper procrastination. Only once you’ve completed this should you actually get out some pen and paper, crack open a textbook, and start using your brain. And remember: education is the priority here at Stevens Institute of Procrastination.

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