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The Stute

Cult Seen Dragging Students to Humps Basement

Reports have surfaced this week of several students seeing their peers being dragged with bags over their heads into the basement of the Humps Dormitory.

HASS renamed HTITS

Upon discovering that nobody thought, “Ah yes, like the avocado.” Our steadfast school of humanities has once again decided to rebrand.

Rumors of “Gateway East” permeate campus

Super real screenshot of Google Maps by Abba Yacobs

The appearance of a third wing of the Gateway building would certainly be noteworthy — if such claims could be substantiated.

South Tower Dedicated: Balles Tower

I would like to dedicate this article to all of my fellow Ducks who, to this day, do not know the North Tower is really Harries Tower.