The Stute

In recent events, the Snevets SGA has fully embraced its recent increase in the SAF (Student Adultery Fee).

As the best, and only, newspaper on Snevets campus, The Stupe, has long been trusted as the prime source for “accurate information” for campus news.

In honor of St*te’s 120th year, we at The Stupe are pleased to bring back the annual Pinny Bash! After 120 years of Snevets hosting the Pinnys, St*te proudly continues complaining about the Pinny program, whether free trips to the Moon every summer or the private jet rides from the Augustus Edwin Hall to the How Center. 

While the Snevets mascot is Attila the Duck another prominent figure internally recognized by the student body, Gogo the Gorilla, has not been seen at all this year.

The Gear & Triangle Honor Society has tried for years to shape Snevets students into respectable, well-rounded student leaders – yet it has become painfully apparent that it has failed to achieve its founding goals.

I have uncovered an alleged secret society of Snevets students that live in the academic buildings at night. Upon preliminary investigation, I found they have three distinct sectors.

The recent petition to restore the old floating dorm to the Hudson may have ended in failure, but loath to disappoint, President Narfarvar announced something even more unique: A Boeing 737 will be turned into new first-year housing.

As the commencement ceremony date quickly approaches 2024, the administration has released a concerning announcement for this upcoming spring: commencement will take place over Zoom this year following many issues in the past years and while letting graduating students reminiscent of their high school graduation over Zoom in the height of the pandemic. 

Editor’s note: This is documentation purporting to contain notes from a so-called “Scrum,” that arcane and masochistic ritual particular to certain breeds of software engineer.