The Stute

As if the current housing system wasn’t perfect enough, Snevets has announced a few updates regarding the “University Towers.” 

Due to arbitrary, unjustified uproar over this semester’s housing registration process, Snevets has decided to reset current housing assignments and add every applicant to an extensive waitlist.

Snevets has officially announced its new elite 8-year undergraduate degree program! Effective immediately, excelling students will be selected to extend their undergraduate degrees by four years.

I am writing this from an undisclosed location in fear of my safety. The following events that I am about to disclose Really and Actually Happened, and you can trust me because this is the Internet and Everything Is Real (except for birds, but we’ll cover that another time). 

(Editor’s Note: This article is satire)

Tensions are rising as Snevets proves it is able to design buildings that don’t look like vomit stains.

In a sudden turn of events, President Narfarvar has decided to step down from his position as the President of Snevets.

After just recovering from a massive ransomware attack in August 2019, Snevets’ IT department has just taken another critical blow, sending the administration into a frenzy and further devaluing a Snevets Cybersecurity Degree.

On Thursday, March 30, Snevets’ campus featured a random petting zoo between 2 p.m. to 5 p.m., inviting STEM students to take a break from their difficult workload.

The Stupe would like to formally announce this year’s annual Duck Hunt. The event will take place for one day only this April 1, when students will have the opportunity to search for hidden ducks across campus.

In a recent study by Snevets, researchers found that non-Pinnacle Scholars have, on average, higher IQs than their Scholar counterparts. 

The Pinnacle Scholar Program is a part of the Special Programs at Snevets, of which “selected” students are a part.