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The Stute

Cult Seen Dragging Students to Humps Basement

Reports have surfaced this week of several students seeing their peers being dragged with bags over their heads into the basement of the Humps Dormitory.

HASS renamed HTITS

Upon discovering that nobody thought, “Ah yes, like the avocado.” Our steadfast school of humanities has once again decided to rebrand.

Rumors of “Gateway East” permeate campus

Super real screenshot of Google Maps by Abba Yacobs

The appearance of a third wing of the Gateway building would certainly be noteworthy — if such claims could be substantiated.

South Tower Dedicated: Balles Tower

I would like to dedicate this article to all of my fellow Ducks who, to this day, do not know the North Tower is really Harries Tower.

Remember to come up with a question!!!

What are the best spots on campus to hang out?

Claire: Great question! There are so many great places to hang out around campus.

Freshman dorm review

Hi, I’m the freshman who is still wearing my Snevets keychain around my neck. I love wearing my dorm key like a necklace to assert dominance over those who have to walk more than five minutes to get to their classes.