Now, in my second semester, the pain of the new “University Towers” is hitting me. I’ll give you a glimpse into the life of me, an obvious freshman student.
Posts published in “The Stupe”
According to uncorroborated reports, a brain-eating fungus has spread to certain elements of the Snevets community. Those who claim to have contracted the fungus insist they are experiencing comprehensive breakdowns in high-level cognition, including difficulty processing information and forming sentences.
As many students may know, there are a series of tiles on the Babby Patty engraved with the names of many individuals from the recent history of Snevets.
So like, it’s me again, I don’t know if any of you remember me from last year, so I’ll give you a quick refresher.
Now that we’ve dotted the last “i” and crossed the last “t”(much to its dissatisfaction), Off the Press is excited to announce our new website is up and running and ready for a mad dash of traffic.
Extra, extra read all about it! After many successful years of utilizing 10G WiFi, Snevets has made the executive decision to decrease their WiFi capacity to 1G.
Although Snevets previously announced that it would be removing asbestos in the space previously occupied by Kernel Jan’s, it seems that the administration has had a change of heart.
As if the current housing system wasn’t perfect enough, Snevets has announced a few updates regarding the “University Towers.”
Due to arbitrary, unjustified uproar over this semester’s housing registration process, Snevets has decided to reset current housing assignments and add every applicant to an extensive waitlist.
Snevets has officially announced its new elite 8-year undergraduate degree program! Effective immediately, excelling students will be selected to extend their undergraduate degrees by four years.
I am writing this from an undisclosed location in fear of my safety. The following events that I am about to disclose Really and Actually Happened, and you can trust me because this is the Internet and Everything Is Real (except for birds, but we’ll cover that another time).