As the fall begins to turn the trees red, bring out the sweaters from deep in the closet, and unleash the pumpkin-apple-cidery monsters into the shops and bakeries, it is a time filled with nostalgia. Thinking back to the idealized first day of school back home, going on walks with leaves crunching below your shoes, thinking about upcoming holidays, and the bittersweetness of midterms (ugh) signaling that you are almost halfway through the semester (yikes!) However, for individuals with autism, nostalgia can be a tricky subject. What is the balance between having an excellent memory and experiencing little or hyperbole emotions? So, the question remains: what is nostalgia like for those with autism?
Nostalgia is the feeling or longing for the past. It is often a result of some sensory remembrance — seeing someone, hearing a song, smelling a unique smell, or tasting something you had as a child. Nostalgia is a profoundly personal experience, unique to each individual. It often is something happy, but it can also be a more negative feeling, like homesickness if someone is having a tough time and remembers when they were doing better or remembering something sad from their past.
Autism and nostalgia raise an interesting question. Individuals with autism, myself included, can have an excellent memory. However, autism can also cause either dampened or hyperboled emotions. Sometimes, I had to cancel my plans because I heard a song I remember from the bus to school in 3rd grade. Some think, “oh, I remember this song from the bus!” individuals with autism often remember things more vividly (an easy way I explain it is I don’t have an inner monologue; I have a movie playing in my head) and be momentarily trapped inside the memory. Additionally, individuals with autism often experience hyperemotional, where they experience more emotion than would be expected, or experience apathy, where they experience significantly fewer emotions than expected in a situation — or a mix of the two (which is closer to my experience).
While nostalgia can be a good thing, if an individual with autism gets sucked into a moment from their past, they can get stuck in that mood for a while (an hour, a day, a week, it depends). However, it can also be jarring to be in memory fully and need to come back focused and on topic. An example of this from me is one time I was going to take an exam in Gateway South, and someone walked by with a granola bar I used to have every single day in middle school (as soon as I got off the bus, I would sit in the same spot and eat one, almost religiously). I hadn’t seen one of those bars in months. It brought me right back to when I was younger. Sadly, I was on my way to a math exam, and the only way I could get back into a math exam mentality was to go to the bathroom and splash some water on my face.
Nostalgia can be fantastic sometimes. One of my favorite times is December when nostalgia for the holidays and cozy winter months (specifically with a sweater and hot chocolate on a chilly night) makes it extraordinary. However, nostalgia can sometimes be debilitating for individuals with autism. It can be tricky whether you are stuck in a memory or experiencing hyperemotions from memory. So remember, as you sip your pumpkin spice lattes as you have since 9th grade, take a moment to savor a happy moment of nostalgia, a trap of the past yet a blessing of your memory.
