Before writing this edition of our exploration into unmasking the mysteries of autism, I talked with some classmates who raised an interesting question: how?
Backing up a little bit β “how?” is probably the most vague question imaginable. While working together on a report, we discussed what to write about, and someone rambled off two possible ideas, to which I said, “I got it!” I then proceeded to write a paragraph. For me, it was normal. I have an idea, my brain puts together all the words, and my fingers type it out without stopping or thinking about what to write β my brain has already figured it out.
Turns out that is not normal.
I wouldn’t have thought about it, but just a few hours prior, I had a similar conversation with entirely different people about a completely different topic (I could recall a story of a member of the Stevens family from the mid-1800s). Again, it was just a regular act for me, but those I was with looked at me like I had just done a backflip. When I asked, they responded simply by asking: “How?”
As I have explored autism for most of my life, as well as for this column, it has become clear that individuals with autism can do some crazy mental gymnastics. For me, it is just expected to be able to recite obscure historical facts, write an entire essay in an hour while reading a book or watching the score of symphony, or pursue a double degree on top of a double minor β not including extracurriculars, socializing, exploring New York City, and keeping up with my favorite TV shows.
The consensus of all of the professionals I can find is individuals with autism have increased mental capacities for memory, processing of information, and sensory details but, in return, lose social skills and have a decreased ability to empathize (or a heightened ability to empathize to the point of where it is hard to function, but that is a topic for another article). However, I have trouble finding how individuals with autism see it.
So, here I am, an individual with autism β saying how I see it: it is challenging. Beyond any social or emotional challenges I may have (there are plenty), it is always hard to talk about grades with my peers, explain what clubs I am a part of, or schedule a time to study β and then have to explain that I don’t really study.
Now, as I write this, I know it sounds conceited: “Oh no, it is so hard to get good grades without studying.” But the problem is, when it is just me, it’s typical (probably that lack of social skills). I don’t think it is impressive because this is always how it has been for me. I was proud in fifth grade to list all of the American presidents in order (I still can, though I sometimes forget to add Trump and Biden because they had yet to happen when I learned).
When people ask me, “how?” I usually answer: “I don’t know.” How do you explain the inner workings of your brain without needing hours of backstory (or two months of newspaper articles)? Perhaps that will be the next question we explore as we unmask the mysteries of autism.
