Red flags are easier to sense when people are overtly sexist. However, in this day and age, many people are not overtly sexist due to fear of being canceled. This makes it harder to determine what people in your circles may have harmful views towards women. I have compiled some red flag tells that should make you pause and think about your interactions with a person.
Have you ever gotten dressed up after a long week of school to go out and have a fun night with your friends? This is a pretty common practice, but oftentimes men will comment on a woman’s appearance in this scenario. Tons of women like to go to bars or parties and dress up for fun, but some people will say that these women are sexualizing themselves for other men. This is an extremely sexist red flag, because women can wear clothes that are just for their own enjoyment. The idea that women can’t just dress the way they want to, because they want to, is very outdated. Additionally, claiming that women sexualize themselves with clothing for the purpose of attracting attention from men creates a victim-blaming mentality when incidents such as sexual assault occur.
Speaking of such incidents, let’s talk about the “not all men” conundrum. Sometimes when women bring up important topics such as sexual assault, they are immediately met with combative language. Men will immediately respond with “not all men” or “false allegations exist.” Both of these statements are true, but statistically speaking, the general consensus among academics and observational studies conclude that only between 2% and 4% of sexual assault allegations are false. Here’s an analogy: imagine you walked up to me and said you were stung by a wasp because your house got infested, and then I immediately screamed at you, “NOT ALL WASPS STING PEOPLE,” and then made you feel bad for even saying you got stung by a wasp. That conversation would be unproductive, wouldn’t solve the infestation problem, and would make you feel bad for speaking your truth about how the wasp hurt you. Personally, all men who champion “not all men” are a red flag.
I struggle to understand why people support politicians and public figures who are openly misogynistic. I personally believe that the definition of feminism is somewhere along the lines of “believing that women are entitled to the same rights and freedoms as men,” and this would include a woman’s right to their own body. Time and time again I have interacted with men who idolize politicians who have stripped away abortion rights and other diversity-related measures. They hide behind their support of a candidate’s “strong economic policies” and “stances on international politics.” These are important, but plenty of candidates exist who have strong economic stances and also do not want to deprive women of their fundamental human rights. If you can’t find someone who can protect womens’ rights while uplifting your political agenda, you either aren’t trying hard enough, or you are a walking red flag.
All of this said, this is not meant to be a “hate on men” party. Plenty of women are internally sexist as well, and a lot of people are the product of their upbringing. All people have the capacity to learn, grow, and reform their views. Everyone should have the opportunity to hear the opinions of those around them, and to potentially reformulate their internal biases as a result. Conversation is one of the beautiful things about humanity. We get to know the minds of those around us, and sometimes we are lucky enough to change the minds of those around us.
