In classic Stevens fashion, the annual Innovation Expo is happening today as groups of seniors who have worked tirelessly on these projects for the last two semesters finally get to show them off. This is a spectacular event, full of people we know and things to do, so we had our writers, who have never been to one of these events before, compile a list of all the must-see attractions and things to do today.
Download the Innovation Expo app. Having the app is a great way to disguise what you’re actually looking at on your phone when your quasi-friend is telling you about their project on seagull migration patterns. “Are you texting someone about how bored you are right now?” they ask. You quickly flip to the app. “Nope, just checking out your explanation of how medium-sized birds exceed their normal flight range under optimal wind conditions along the Floridian coast,” you reply. Crisis averted.
Check out Placecard. This wedding-seating service was made by some of the best and brightest computer science majors. Some of our editors had the chance to assist with the project by submitting sample data, and based on the data we provided, it should be a smashing success.
Join a geometry club. This will massively improve your social status as you impress all the math majors with your knowledge of triangles and circles. One of our editors even memorized 41 digits of pi to impress some of the members. It will also help you comment on the shapes of the tables the design groups are at with enlightening remarks like, “Yup, that’s a rectangular table.”
Go vegan. A plant-based diet will allow you to more fully appreciate the complexity and magnitude of the amazing projects our seniors have been working on. One of our editors has been eating nothing but green beans and kale for weeks to prepare for this, and he is going to have an enlightening experience. Being vegan for just the day should be sufficient to really get into the nitty-gritty of the lifecycle of E. Faecalis.
Establish an independent republic. This is a great way to de-stress as we come into the last few weeks of the semester. Being able to operate outside local, state, and federal laws due to your UN status as a sovereign republic will break down a lot of the barriers between you and a more relaxed lifestyle. It will also let you offer as many patents to design groups as you want, although they would only be recognized in your little country until you got some international agreements working.
Go to Spiderman: Far From Home Depot. Although not today, Off Center’s final show of the semester is sure to have you clutching your oblique muscles in B118 at 3 p.m. tomorrow!
Off the Press would like to personally and formally thank you for keeping up with our journalism this semester, wish our graduating editors and reporters well, and look forward to seeing you next semester!
Off The Press is a satirical Opinion column written and organized by Off Center, often used to joke about current Stevens issues and campus news. It is currently organized by Off Center President, Matthew Brantl.
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