Yes, I like Piña Coladas

Hello, I am writing into The Stupe to respond to an ad posted in last week’s personals column. Whoever wrote it was looking for someone who likes Piña Coladas, and I only have one thing to say in response: Yes, I like Piña Coladas. I’ve dreamed of romantic days out on the beach, and there would be absolutely no way to make them even more romantic than to be walking along the boardwalk hand in hand and getting caught out in the rain.

I also cannot agree more with your assertion against yoga. When we escape, we can forget about every worry in the world; no more exercise, no more health food, just sitting back and relaxing with a bottle of champagne.

I know I’m nobody’s poet, but I hope that you will find it in your heart to meet with me. Tomorrow at noon we can meet each other and cut through all this red tape. There’s a great pub nearby called O’Malleys — I don’t know if you’ve heard of it, but I’ll be there tomorrow at noon awaiting you. I can’t wait to meet you so that we can finally plan our escape.