Ned Fields, second-year Chemical Engineering major and resident of 800 Madison, is doing what was never thought possible. This student has managed to avoid grocery shopping for well over two weeks. “I just really haven’t had the time, and like, I go home on the weekends,” Fields shares with us.
We managed to score a tour of Fields’ apartment on the fifth floor and what we found was eye-opening to say the least. Peanut butter levels were dangerously low, hardly enough for a spoonful, with bread crumbs mixed in from multiple sloppy spreadings. “Yeah, Skippy is definitely on my list,” Fields adds. Next, we found a package of frozen bean and cheese burritos, seal broken, two remaining. The package listed conventional oven heating instructions, but we all know he just popped those bad boys in the microwave. Fields comments, “Those are like my lifeblood. I don’t know what I’d do without them.” We also spotted a Fall 2018 Entertainment Committee magnet on Fields’ refrigerator, surely forgotten and now just a part of the decor. In the refrigerator, several condiments lined the shelves, but food of actual sustenance was unsurprisingly lacking. “Yeah, those eggs are probably bad by now,” Fields remarks, followed by no effort to dispose of the 5-month-old ellipsoids.
The tour concluded and Fields offered to show us the trap beat he’d been working on in his free time. The beat showed promise, but the lead synth was too buried in the mix.
As a parting gift, we supplied Ned Fields with a $20 gift card to ShopWrong. “Oh, yeah, this is dope, maybe I’ll go on Thursday or something,” Fields claimed. At the time of publishing, there has been no word as to whether or not the gift card has been used.
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