This is it, I guess, this is the last time you will hear about my experiences as a senior getting ready to reach the real world. I have to say, I am incredibly emotionally confused, and these last few weeks have not been the easiest of my time here, to say it lightly. As my expiration date nears, I feel like a bystander to the world around me, like a piece of grocery store fruit rotting on a shelf waiting to be purged. I have been trying to fill my time surrounded by friends or keeping busy with on-campus activities because there will never be another time in my life that I will have as easy of a time as I do here to be able to do the things I want. College has been an emotional rollercoaster over the years, but these emotions are definitely new, and I am still figuring out how to process them. I don’t really know what I will be doing in the future and it is ominous and scary. Yes, I have figured out my working situation and have preliminary plans for housing, but outside of that, everything is up in the air. What do adults do in their free time? It isn’t like I will be able to walk two minutes and be surrounded by a ton of people I know anymore.
The process of saying goodbye to the people I have spent my last few years with has already started, and IT HAS NOT been easy so far. I feel like I’ve been prepping for it for the past couple of months, but it is still painful to prepare for a completely different lifestyle. I like to think that I will come back and visit all my friends who are either younger or staying here for another year. But when work starts, maybe everything will change, and I will be interested in doing nothing other than watching the news or something lame like that. I really am hoping that I keep the motivation and have the facilities to frequently come back to see all the people I like because while a lot of them are graduating, there are a ton of people I know who are here for a much longer time. But honestly, it’s all going to be a lot of hearsay until around the end of August when the opportunities to come up and visit start arising.
I am hoping that I am close enough with the friends I made here to maintain our relationships regardless of the physical distance, but only time will tell. Maybe this is the part where they all open up about how they really hated me this whole time, and they’re thrilled to have me gone. I feel like summer break is always a weird thing during college because all the people you spend all your time with move across the country for 3 months, and when it is over, you just go back to normal. But now that I am about to be done, there is no coming back at the end of August for me.
Life is meant to be confusing, though. If it becomes too stagnant and repetitive, it will be boring and miserable. What is the point of living a life where you do the same things for the next five to sixty years before you die in some way, shape, or form? I am still uncertain about both what my life is going to look like after graduation and what I want my life to look like after graduation, but the priority is to avoid being miserable, so there is a lot of room to figure it out along the way. I hope my presence is missed among close friends, but if it isn’t, I guess it doesn’t matter at all when you really think about it.
