The recent petition to restore the old floating dorm to the Hudson may have ended in failure, but loath to disappoint, President Narfarvar announced something even more unique: A Boeing 737 will be turned into new first-year housing. The so-called Snevets 737, taking off in time for Fall 2024, signals that our institution’s commitment to resourceful innovation remains steadfast.
The administration purchased the aircraft from Alaska Airlines at a discount price, and it will come in prime condition, sans one unneeded door plug. The narrow-body craft is sure to accommodate new students in luxury style, says Narfarvar.
The option will be priced above that of the towers at the following rates:
Standard (economy room): $10,000 / sem.
Standard deluxe (economy+ room): $13,000 / sem.
Deluxe (first class): $15,000 / sem.
The fuselage will be divided into spacious double rooms more than three seats wide and two rows long. In lieu of closet space, there will be ample overhead storage available. Belongings that don’t fit inside the new rooms may be checked for minor additional cost. The cockpit will be transformed into a comfortable lounge with sweeping views of the Howe Center, and students may venture onto the wings for additional common space.
Students lined Wittpenn Walk this Thursday to watch Attila land the Snevets 737 on Schoofer Lawn; he received three hours of special flight training just for the event. The audience gasped when Attila almost missed the makeshift corkboard runway, but huge cheers rang around campus when the plane finally touched down; The Borch Tearers statue was an unfortunate casualty of the afternoon.
Looking to further expand student housing options in a frugal manner, Snevets is also in discussion with SpaceX to acquire a burnt-out Starship hull and with the U.S. government for that shot-down Chinese spy balloon.
At press time, the opening date for the Snevets 737 was pushed back by a year. A source close to the matter was set to provide additional information to The Stupe, but he was found dead in his Palmer dorm room this morning. In a press release, Narfarvar simply said that construction was experiencing unexpected turbulence.
Disclaimer: This article is part of The Stupe and is satire.
