Reports have surfaced this week of several students seeing their peers being dragged with bags over their heads into the basement of the Humps Dormitory. The Snevets Police Department have received multiple calls this week regarding the incidents, but when asked by reporters have refused to make any comments on the situation. It is unknown what response, if any, the school is preparing in lieu of these recent events.
As word spreads, there has been a lot of speculation over the beliefs held by the organization taking refuge in the basement of the dorm. None of the students taken have been identified for further questioning, so all existing theories are more or less hearsay. The current front runner theory is that they are praying to Alexander C. Humps, the individual the dorm hall is named after, and second president of Snevets. This theory does not have much backing aside from the location in which the cult has been tied to. There has also been imagery discovered on campus around the same time the cult first surfaced referring to “The Sons of the Nile,” which may refer to President Humps two sons, who tragically drowned in the Nile River in 1901.
Humps residents have shared their perspective on what it has been like to live in the dorm since this organization has surfaced. Some frequent responses reporters received was that there was semi-frequent screaming heard from the basement in the middle of the night. We spoke to one resident who said that his roommate was doing laundry one night, and never returned. The resident shared his concerns for his roommate, but also shared that he has really been enjoying his room to himself and said, “maybe the cult isn’t entirely a bad thing.”
With mixed reviews on the existence of this organization lingering within the hallowed halls of the dormitory, it is hard to predict what Snevets will do in response to the reports. Until action is taken, the general populous is recommending to stay away from the Humps basement for the time being. Without access to the laundry room, Humps has been stinkier than normal. Without being asked, some residents have used this as an opportunity to stop bathing as well. This may have the dual purpose of not allowing the cult to indoctrinate new members, and may also flush them out with the stench. Only time will tell.
Disclaimer: This article is part of The Stupe and is satire.
