Picture this: you’re stranded on a deserted desert island with nothing, and you can only have one thing with you. The answer is pretty clear; anyone in their right mind would opt for a single blowjob to help overcome the adversity of the situation. A group of seniors plan to unveil their revolutionary technology at the Innovation Expo this April and are beginning to build hype around their product. Through intense science and engineering, they were able to develop a 3D printed, single-use blowjob. “What more could anyone want from science?” says team-lead Phil A. Shio ‘24. Shio also described that the product would be made from 3D printed plastics and provide a single-use blowjob experience that would “blow your mind, and your…”
There has been a lot of chatter and excitement surrounding the soon to be unveiled product, mostly throughout the computer science department. But some individuals on campus have been speaking out against the invention and outwardly denying the existence of oral sex. An individual who requested to remain anonymous said, “I think it’s all a hoax, there is no such thing as a ‘blowjob,’ and I will not stand here and be lied to by some con artist.” However, it seems a majority of students on campus are eagerly awaiting their chance to use a single-use, 3D-printed blowjob. The project’s second-in-command, Anita Gerbjob, shared a preliminary survey that led to the initial idea to create this product. At the start of the school year, the team sent out a form with one open ended question, “If you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?” To almost no one’s surprise, 72% of surveyees responded “a blowjob.” This sparked the idea in Shio and his dedicated team of engineers, and they are eagerly awaiting the chance to finally show everyone what all the hype is about.
This does spark some questions of how it will be demonstrated at the Expo, but everyone will just have to wait and see!
Disclaimer: This article is part of The Stupe and is satire.
