To Stanley or to Owala, that is the question. In a never-ending riptide of consumerism, one is faced with a difficult choice: will I cave in and buy the water bottle that is trendy this month? As a Stanley-hold-offer myself, I was skeptical of the bulky water vessel. And I should have listened to my gut because, to be honest, it was a waste of money. Without further ado, here are water bottle red flags to remember for your next fast-water-bottle trend purchase.
Is it potty-trained? If you haven’t seen this trend on TikTok, you may be confused. To summarize it, the filmer approaches various people and asks them what type of water bottle they are holding. Then they ask if it’s “potty trained” and the owner has to tip the water bottle upside down to see if it leaks a lot. Spoiler alert: the Stanley Cup is NOT potty trained at all. Additionally, its large design with a more narrow base makes it a prime candidate to be toppled over. Just this morning, I knocked it over before class onto a desk, and it leaked a gallon of water in 0.00003 seconds. I tried to clean the water up, but there were no paper towels in the bathroom (sorry to the kid who sat there, but you should’ve realized there was a puddle).
Personally, if a water bottle does not have a straw, I think it’s a red flag, but it’s also a red flag if it has a straw. What is this nonsense reasoning, you may ask? Well, I personally need a straw to encourage myself to drinkity-drink water, and without it, my water bottle is just a fun accessory I am carrying around for no reason. However, when water bottles have straws you have to be super careful about cleaning them frequently because they get kind of gross really fast. Additionally, if the water bottle has an exposed straw (ahem, Stanley), then you run the risk of consuming the musk from your computer science class because the straw is touching the air! I bought a cute flower straw cover because of this problem for my Stanley, but I’m still unsatisfied overall.
Finally, can you throw the bottle into a bag and not worry about destroying your 2,000-dollar laptop? For the Stanley, this is a big red X. There is literally no convenient way to transport a Stanley without just holding it, but if you are holding it, then your hands aren’t free to break your fall when you slip on the icy stairs behind the DeBaun athletics field. Maybe the cupholder-friendly design makes sense in a place where people actually drive, but Stevens students can’t afford the $300 a month necessary to park a car in Hoboken. We need a water bottle for the city college student, by the city college student!
Also, just a more general Red Flag, people who buy ten Stanley cups or other trendy water bottles. It’s a reusable water bottle! You are supposed to save the earth’s resources by only having a few and reusing them! Why do you need that many? Who are you trying to impress? Even I, unsatisfied with my Stanley, can not be convinced to buy a different water bottle at the moment. I don’t care how amazing an Owala is, I need to put some serious use into my Stanley before I can justify another financial investment.
In conclusion, always verify that the water bottle you want to buy is potty trained, has a non-exposed straw, and can be tossed in a bag at any moment. Happy hydrating!
