Recently, a Christmas tree was put up right between Harries Tower and the South Tower, filled with numerous bright and colorful ornaments and a small duck on the top, meant to represent the pride of Stevens. However, the unforeseen consequence of putting the duck up meant it attracted predators who thought it was a real duck that would serve as a nice dinner. One of the predators that the duck attracted was a sly, red fox whose mouth watered as it stared at the duck. It was willing to do anything to attempt to catch it for a nice, tasty dinner.
First, the fox attempted to reach the duck by using a ladder to climb up to the top of the tree. The fox first went over to the Schafer gym, where some painters were already using the ladder to try to paint parts of the Schafer gym. The fox snatched the ladder, which immediately caused the painters to fall into the buckets of paint. The fox set the ladder by the tree in order to try to catch the duck, but the heavy wind caused the ladder to fall over. Then, the fox set the ladder by the other end of the tree to catch the duck and avoid the wind, but then the wind blew in the opposite direction. Frustrated, the fox sought to think of another way to catch the duck.
Then, the fox decided to try to use springs in order to jump high and catch the duck. It hurried over to the Makerspace and quickly stole some springs that students were using to design a machine, which caused the machine to explode. The fox then tied their legs to the spring and prepared to jump high in order to reach the duck, but it miscalculated the trajectory and ended up crashing into the bridge that connects the two towers. Then, the fox tried again but miscalculated the trajectory and ended up landing in New York City, where it got hit by rushing cars. The fox tried again for a final time, and this time ended up jumping so high that it hit the sun, where the fox commented that it “felt very cold.”
The fox decided to take a unique approach in attempting to catch the duck through the use of sky-diving from a plane. First, it quickly bought a plane to practice its sky-diving (of course, it begs the question of why the fox wouldn’t use the money to buy food instead of spending it on zany schemes). After reaching the highest altitude possible, the fox jumped from the plane and made its way towards the duck. Then, the fox opened the parachute, only to realize that it was actually a piano. The fox crashed down to the ground, and the piano fell with such force that it fell into the sewer. The fox was chased by a gator living in the sewers and ran away faster than a Stevens student learning about a new test.
Finally, the fox decided to use a rocket as a last resort in attempting to catch the duck. It created the rocket and lit the fuse, but the fox started to sweat, which fell on the fire and put it out. The fox tried again, but this time, the wind blew the fuse onto the fox and caused the poor canine to get burned. Finally, the fox did it again, but this time, the rocket exploded, causing the fox to fly all over the air. Because of all these shenanigans, the fox decided to give up and go eat at the UCC, which the fox commended as “the worst mistake ever.”
