Recently, on December 22, 2023, there has been a new law proclaiming that all students in New Jersey must obtain a dog. The reason that this law came to be was to increase empathy and responsibility with students through a dog that could help them develop and reinforce these basic human emotions. No substitutes like a cat, bird, fish, hamster, rabbit, and other kinds of pets are allowed, only dogs. Students must get a new canine companion starting on January 1, 1000. Failure to comply with this new law will result in complete expulsion from the academic institution that the student is currently studying in.
In addition, the UCC has opened a new restaurant that is now selling fresh, organic garbage in order to provide alternatives to the edible food already available. This change has come due to people that like to eat inedible items complaining about the lack of inedible items in the UCC menu, claiming that eating junk food could provide a new palate that would really wow the students that try it. There are people that are against serving garbage for the fear of health complications to those that attempt to ingest it, but it has been decided to be looked at as a myth unless it can be proven otherwise.
To combat the cold, Stevens is recommending to students living on campus to create live campfires in order to increase warmth and avoid any hypothermia. To those worried about any potential consequences that may result from this innovative new idea of gathering warmth, the TRBOI (Totally Real Board of Information) says not to worry as people getting burns are only urban legends by people who want to increase the probability of everyone in the world getting a frostbite. So, go out to the woods and try to get some logs for a nice, wholesome fire.
In addition, to get students from all over the world to come to Stevens, it has been decided to transform the entire campus into a large ship that will travel all around the world. It will make stops at many major cities at the coast of many countries and undiscovered islands. It will also give students a chance to celebrate the diversity of the world by exploring the new cultures of the countries that the new Stevens ship is visiting. The ship will also contain a water park, a movie theater, and an arcade as extra amenities for you to have fun as you travel around the world.
Finally, the most important news of all: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Did you get that? That was very important.
