Right across the river, I’m reminded how fast time passes. In the city, everything is changing all the time and too quickly for most people. Many of us chose Stevens based on its proximity to the city. Here, there’s always something to do, see, or experience. But I’ve realized in my month here that I rarely take the time to just look around me. This has created the irrational fear that I’m just gonna let things pass me by. The world keeps moving and I’m fearful I won’t be able to keep up with it.
Since being here, the absence of alone time has become quite apparent to me. My mindset all throughout high school has been: if you can’t be happy, then just be accomplished. This way of thinking is probably what got me here. I would try to silence negative thoughts with rigorous academics, clubs, activities, and continue this now. If people didn’t want me or to pay attention to me I would give myself intrinsic value, and make people want me. But as I look up from my work now, I realize, I am actually decently happy, even without pushing myself to the brink. I am surrounded by wonderful people, and good things are happening to me.
My adolescent years were plagued with thoughts that the good things that were happening to me would inevitably end and I would hold onto that dread, and use it as a reason to never do anything. It has been difficult to realize that I deserve good things, to be happy, and to move on from the past.
My mom always says, “If you’re happy, life goes on, but if you’re unhappy, life still goes on.” I attribute my healthier mindset to the fact that I’ve been living life more in the moment. I’ve stopped wishing that things could return to the way they were, and have ceased wasting time missing people who don’t care about me. I forget the past for better, or for worse, and move on.
In my 1:30 a.m. walks back to Davis Hall from Castle Point Hall, I relish in the fact that I am here, I am loved, and I’m where I’m meant to be. Watching through the glass as good things pass me by gets old really quickly, so I am determined to not let good things in life pass me by this time.
