So there I was, sitting in MIS 110: Creative Problem Solving in Computing, learning my first coding language, when I had a sudden realization: “Why am I here?”
My whole life I’ve been at least decent at my academics, and I couldn’t help but feel so grossly unqualified to be here. Yeah, I got into Stevens, but maybe it’s just because they needed more women, more business students, or more minorities?
For my entire senior year of high school, I wanted to continue my college education by pursuing a degree in graphic design. I wanted to follow my passions for once in my life. Yet here I am as a business major, confused and trying to learn Python.
In high school, we all strive to get into the best college possible and further our careers, but no one talks about what happens when you actually get here. Stevens is no doubt a challenging school, and we are all held to a high standard. It’s so jarring when suddenly, everyone seems better than you, smarter than you, and more involved than you. As overachievers, I feel that many of us can understand that the fear of not doing something “the best” will hold us back from doing anything at all.
The idea of, “If I’m not going to be an active member, go to all the meetings for this club, then eventually get an e-board position, why would I even join the club in the first place?” We all know the feeling of joining any and every academic club in high school and fiending for coveted board positions so we can brag about it to colleges. This is a whole other ball game.
We, fresh out of high school, must remember that we deserve to have fun, to be happy, and to enjoy our time here, not because it’s going to end in a six-figure job offering, but just because. It would be a really sad existence if the entirety of our youth was spent climbing to the top of the corporate ladder.
Every time I write an article for the Stute, I can’t believe that my words are getting published and that maybe a couple of people are reading about my struggles. I always have multiple friends read my work while constantly asking, “Is this cringy? What are people gonna think about this? Is this even relatable?” The first time I saw my name and picture printed out, as lame as it sounds, I was so incredibly happy and couldn’t help but tell people about it.
I personally felt like I’ve gotten “carried” through multiple assignments and am constantly in awe of how everyone around me knows so much. But when my brain tells me that I’m not good enough to be here, I remind myself that we are all here to learn and grow. It’s a school! If everyone knew everything, why would they be here?
Everyone here will inevitably feel like they’re the only ones who don’t understand what their professor is saying, cry at their desk over homework, or call their parents asking if it’s the right idea to switch majors. I write to tell you this: you are not alone in these feelings. Celebrate seemingly small successes like writing your first code or finally going to the writing center for help. These will eventually snowball into bigger wins and then you’re on your way!
Although it may seem cliche, I live by these words: If you’re the smartest in the room, you’re not in the right room. Stevens is a decently sized room, but remember that you belong here, and you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t.
