I hate to admit it, but I used to think I was different from other women. Not that I was better or cooler, I just thought I didn’t have “the girl thing.” “The Girl Thing,” admittedly, could be a lot of things, but what I’m specifically talking about is the way that girls sometimes feel in positions of leadership. Even the most confident, prepared woman can be reduced to thoughts of “oh god, I’m being so bossy right now” when they have to be even the least bit commanding. I think it’s deep rooted in society, the tired phrase “men in charge are bosses, but women in charge are b***ches.” I used to think that this bias would get to me from the outside-in, that I would be perceived as being mean when I was in charge. I never thought that it would come from the inside-out. I mean, I’m a feminist, you would think my exposure to powerful women and “girl power” growing up might have hammered the stereotype out of me by now. Recently though, I found that I was wrong. There’s no way around it, I have the “girl thing.”
This past summer, I worked as a director at an all-girls summer camp. It was my second year working at this camp. This new role put me in charge of a team of lifeguards, some of whom I had worked with in the past and some that I had never met before. I went into the role quite inexperienced (in management), but extremely prepared and overqualified as an aquatics manager. Pretty soon into starting the job, I realized that the job was more than I thought it was going to be. I was responsible for managing all of the counselors, campers, and even staff members who were older and more experienced than me. At the start of the summer, I prepared for everything that could go wrong. I made emergency action plans and learned about facility codes, but there was no way to get around how mean I felt when it came down to actually telling people what to do.
I wasn’t the only one struggling. All of my friends who had stepped up into leadership roles this summer experienced the same thing. Each of us could see that the others were doing great and their staff were doing great, but none of us had that confidence in ourselves.
Ultimately, I think it’s really good that I took on this role, and I think with time, my friends and I will be able to get over this thing. It’s important to remember that it’s okay to have these stereotypical female weaknesses. As much as we like to think that we’ve progressed past it, a lot of women (at least that I know) have dealt with this. So if you ever have felt or find yourself feeling “the girl thing,” just remember that it doesn’t mean you are a bad leader and it definitely doesn’t mean you should stop.
