Just before spring break, the new Greek life director Kevin Grundle implemented a program called the “Presidential Round Robin.” His goal was to build a better relationship between himself, the Snevets administration, and the fraternities on campus. To accomplish this, he planned to take President Narfarvar with him and visit each of the campus fraternities to learn more about them and spend time with their brothers.
They began at Sigma Phi Epsilon, where the brothers sat in a circle and read picture books to each other, exchanging their feelings and discussing who they thought was the most balanced man. At this point, Narfarvar continued to the other fraternities on his own, as Kevin Grunder told him that “the most fun happens at a dry house,” and that he “wanted to spend more time helping the brothers study.”
Narfarvar walked up Hudson street to Chi Phi, where he was brought inside, blindfolded, given a pen the brothers called DiMiTri and told he would have a “mind blowing” experience. The brothers reported that he played super smash brothers and rambled about how we need to bring back the SS Snevets.
After experiencing ego death and witnessing the rebirth of the universe through the eyes of Waluigi, Narfarvar stumbled into Phi Sigma Kappa where the brothers were competing in a “case race.” A few of the brothers took him aside and showed him how to shotgun a beer, but Narfarvar ended up spilling most of it on his once nice suit.
Walking up the hill and down CPT, Narfarvar arrived at Kappa Sigma, but was more invested in the house than the brothers. In somewhat of a drunken stupor, Narfarvar was given a tour of the building, but was more focused on the Bohoken real estate investment opportunity than the activities of the brotherhood. Narfarvar left before pulling out his pocketbook, but noted that there may soon be another Snevets owned Greek house.
Continuing down CPT, Narfarvar walked past Delta Tau Delta and ignored the other fraternities who he assumed only had Busch Lite to offer. He stopped in quickly at the Lodge to see if they really had the “Cleanest Bathrooms on CPT,” and then returned to the presidential estate to get a good night’s rest. He reports that his experience was “beyond his wildest dreams,” that he “will be doing this again,” and asked the fraternities to “make sure to add me to your guest lists.”
Favardin shotgunning at Piskies
Disclaimer: this article is a part of The Stupe and is satire
