The Stupe would like to formally announce this year’s annual Duck Hunt. The event will take place for one day only this April 1, when students will have the opportunity to search for hidden ducks across campus. Lucky winners should bring their ducks to the Student Center to exchange them for exciting prizes including, but not limited to, free Snevets merch, a brand new car, an all-expense paid trip to the Bahamas, a private slumber party in Farvardin’s house, and exclusive early access to the University Towers. For the lucky winner that finds the golden duck, the grand prize will be rewarded in the form of a full refund of their tuition.
It is important to note that these prizes will only be available to Pinnacle Scholars. Last year, a group of hopeful non-Pinnacle Students, who hadn’t read the obviously stated fine print, attempted to turn in their ducks at the Student Center. Unfortunately, we were forced to turn them away and fine them $25 due to their second-class status on campus and for attempting to take away opportunities from our beloved Pinnacle Scholars.
This event is part of a larger effort to expand the budget spent on Pinnacle Scholars from 85% of campus-wide spending to 90%. Critics have stated that funds should be allocated towards more “important” efforts, like establishing functional WiFi or upgrading residential buildings, but Pinnacle Students agree with the current policy and their opinion just matters more. So, good luck to everyone participating; except Pinnacle Scholars. They don’t need luck, as a list of exact campus locations with hidden ducks has already been emailed to them.
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