One of the things I kept hearing over and over again when I was getting ready for college was that we had a chance to start over or change ourselves. That’s all well and good, but as the weeks go on, I feel like people are starting to twist that message and turn it into something else. It’s more than just “let me a start a habit of going to the gym” or “I’m going to apply for an internship.” People are changing themselves for the wrong reasons, and it’s causing a toxic atmosphere that’s affecting the student body. Let me explain:
I would feel pretty confident saying that finding new friends is a major concern of most freshmen. It’s a scary thing to have to leave all the people you’ve known behind and hope you find someone new to connect with. Because of that, a lot of people come into college desperate to fit in and make new connections. It feels like if you don’t find the right people during the first week or so, you’re left in the dust as new friendships start to form. This can be especially overwhelming, and can make people try to fit in and change things about themselves to be more “likeable” or “desirable” by others. But let me be the first to say: you don’t have to.
I can definitely attest to feeling that pressure. It’s not anyone’s fault, it’s just a part of the experience of moving away from home and starting in a completely new place. When people start to change themselves to try to please others, it makes them disingenuous about who they really are. It might be nice in the moment when a group welcomes you for a time, but once that fades, it’s going to feel wrong. Because you’ve built a friendship on something that’s not real, it’s not only not going to last. In the long run, it’s going to make you more unhappy than if you just waited for the right people to find you.
Change in college is good — we’re all still discovering things about ourselves and making new connections. But when you start to change yourself to please others instead of trying to make yourself a better person, that’s where problems can start. Sometimes it can feel claustrophobic being in a small school, like there may not be someone that you click with as well as you did in high school. But I encourage you to wait and see. Don’t try to shoe-horn yourself into places that you don’t want to be. You deserve more than unhealthy friendships that are headed toward unhappiness. Wait for the right people to come into your life, and I promise you’ll be glad you did instead of spending time on things that just weren’t meant to last.
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