Ghost of Biden haunts primary

Ladies and gentlemen, a spectre is haunting the Democratic primary. Its haunting visage is truly a sight to see, its debate answers strange and incoherent. Slime oozes out of its ancient brains when at rallies. Its campaign coffers are filled with the ghoulish gold of healthcare executives and bankers. This nightmarish vision of the Obama administration has possessed 20% of primary voters, and it appears we’ll need an exorcism to get him to drop out of the race. The ghost of Joe Biden has taken over the primary, with truly bone-chilling policies like opposition to Medicare for All. Spine-tingling ideas like writing the Crime Bill of 1992. Inappropriately touching women is just the beginning of the terror. The solution is clear: We’re going to have to send in Bernie Sanders with a Bible.