Outrage has broken out on the Stevens campus after a recent hard-hitting piece of journalism shattered daily life with the release of Stevens’ expenses. Most shocking was the revelation that President Farvardin, by most accounts a man of modest means, made upwards of $1.6 million in the 2016 fiscal year. Recently, Off the Press has obtained the school’s newest tax returns from 2017. What is contained inside this document may shock and disturb some readers.
Firstly, this document has revealed the president’s new salary — instead of a fixed wage, Favardin is now set to receive a variable stipend roughly equal to “the annual GDP of Moldova.” Investments in Eastern Europe have risen exponentially in recent months. On top of that, the president’s dog, Martini, has also been included on the school’s tax return. The adorable puppy has a stated wage of $2.5 million plus expenses, which include “grooming, tailoring, and caviar-flavored kibble.” A permanent penthouse in downtown Manhattan had also been purchased for Martini’s personal use.
The tax return also outlines what Stevens has been investing in over the fiscal year. The school has funneled enormous amounts of money into an individual account labeled “Definitely Not Farvardin’s Account” which is located in Hoboken, NJ. As of yet, it is not clear where this money is going. Stevens also invested heavily in foreign markets, pushing its new brand of hummus, “Duck Dip.” This new product has been shipped throughout the world, to the price of $1.2 million. When asked about the choice, Farvardin said “I just really like hummus.”
Some people have expressed concerns about the school’s fundraising events, mainly how these events have actually lost Stevens money. To remedy this, Stevens planned its fundraising events with the intention to save money. The school canceled the three life-size ice statues of Attila from last year’s Alumni Ball, instead replacing them with slightly smaller versions. To save on costs, the school also canceled President Farvardin’s appearance at this year’s Convocation, as his listed price for attending was deemed too high.
As of yet, we can only dream what will be on Stevens’ tax returns next year. We can only hope another aspiring journalist will take it upon themselves to untangle the web of lies and fiscal irresponsibility that is unfolding on the Stevens campus.
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